7 Not So Obvious Relationship Red Flags

Relationships are often complicated and tricky to navigate, but they don't need to be. We've all heard of the most talked about relationship red flags, such as abuse and infidelity, but a lot us need reminders about the not so obvious ones. I have complied a list of my top 7 relationship red flags that may go unnoticed at first because they're subtle, but can quickly cause big problems in the relationship.


💔 They Speak Down To You (Even When You're Having a Fight)- No one should be speaking down to you, no matter how angry or disappointed they may be. No one should be mumbling something under their breath when you're trying to have a discussion. Part of being in a healthy relationship is having the decency to speak to your partner like he or she is your equal. Belittling another person doesn't necessarily mean they're screaming at you or calling you names. It could be their use of tone and/or sarcasm. If someone tries to tell you that he or she "technically" didn't do anything wrong because they weren't yelling at you, stand up for yourself. Relationships shouldn't be full of technicalities, but with love and respect.  If you find your partner is constantly trying to put you down, even if it's only when he or she is angry, you need to address the issue sooner than later.

💔 They Aren't Respectful of Your Time- There are only 24 hours in a day, so needless to say, our time is important and should be valued. If your partner wants to occupy all of your time and becomes possessive of how you spend it, there is a serious problem. This doesn't always need to be so extreme, though. Do you try to make plans with your partner, only for he or she to never get back to you? Or get back to you at the last minute? Does your partner say they want to see you, but are always unsure of the time, forcing you to clear your whole day in case he or she calls? Does he or she expect you to drop everything and come right over if/when that calls comes? These are all signs that your partner doesn't respect your time. Many people may just have terrible time management skills and naturally wait until the last minute to do everything, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of making plans in advance and realizing you have a life. Remember, you ultimately decide what treatment you will and will not accept.

💔 They Expect You to Change- I once dated a guy who entered into the relationship fully knowing we were different denominations of the same religion. It didn't take long for him to push me to convert. "I don't expect you to change overnight, so it's okay," he "reassured" me, as if that was supposed to make the fact that he expected me to change okay. If your partner is forcing you to change and you don't want to, it's probably time to walk away. He or she may think they're helping you, but what they're really saying is, "Who you are now isn't good enough and I want you to be someone you're not." Side note, I stood my ground and did not end up converting and the relationship quickly came to a close. If you don't want to change, please don't.

💔 They Don't Make an Effort- Do you ever feel like if you stopped putting in effort, the relationship would end? That no dates would be planned? That you would maybe see your partner once a month? If someone truly likes you, he or she is going to make an effort in the relationship to show you how much you mean to him or her. Part of making an effort is more than just going through the motions. You'll know when someone is making a true effort if they're as flexible as they can be when trying to make plans with you, are there for you when you need them to be and are genuinely interested in you (and not just your body).

💔 They Don't Respect Your Differences- Do you have any hobbies that your partner doesn't support? Do you have different family traditions from you partner? Do you like different food? It's perfectly fine if your partner doesn't share or understand all of your interests, traditions or food choices, but it's not fine if he or she tries to diminish or make fun of them. Anyone is who is right for you will understand that you are a unique individual who had a full life before he or she came into the picture, complete with interests, traditions, hobbies and values. If you constantly find that your partner is busting your chops over something he or she doesn't respect or understand, know that you are not with someone who has an open mind. Your partner should be supportive of your values and not try to make you feel bad for being yourself.

💔 They Don't Know What They Want- It's unfair to expect someone to have everything figured out right away, especially if he or she is young. However, if you're dating someone who has no idea if they even want to stay on the same coast as you, there are going to be problems. It's selfish to enter a relationship with someone having no idea what you want out of life. One of my previous boyfriends told me he wanted to move to three different states on three separate occasions. Then, he told me he wanted to stay and then he found a job and moved out of state. Finally, he told me he wanted to come back. The next day, he told me he was looking for houses out of the state. Needless to say, I was taken on a emotional roller coaster and suffered because of his indecisiveness. If you're in a similar (or even remotely similar) situation, you need to put yourself first and understand that someone who isn't sure of major life decisions probably isn't that sure of YOU either.
   

💔 You Find Yourself Constantly Making Excuses- No one is going to be 100% perfect all of time. However, you should never be justifying your partner's pattern of bad behavior with excuses. What do these excuses look like? "Oh, well he's really tired since he just came home from work, so it's okay that he just screamed at me." "He's really stressed with school, so it's okay that he hasn't returned my call in 2 weeks." Have you ever told you friends, "I know he can come off a little strong, but he's a really great guy once you get to know him."? No, what you are saying is "He's a jerk, but I've gotten used to it and you will too, eventually." It's time to cut the excuses and take a long, hard look at your relationship to see if it's one that is actually worth your time and effort.


Above all else, please always remember that how someone treats you is not a reflection of you, but of his or her own insecurities. You should never, ever blame yourself for someone else's actions. No one deserves to be treated poorly. If you are in an abusive relationship, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline to get help. 

What are some of your relationship red flags? Leave a comment down below!

XOXO,
Isabella Dominique



FTC Disclaimer: I was not sent any of these products. I am not affiliated with the companies mentioned. All opinions are my own. I am not being sponsored to make this blog post.