Why You Don't Need A Role Model

I was always the little girl who would stare wide-eyed at the tv screen, practically looking for a role model to emulate. I mean, that meant I would be happy, right? And how much easier it would be to have everything decided for me. All I had to do was watch and imitate. I would be beautiful, smart and successful- if only some of their greatness rubbed off on me, right?

I no longer have role models and it's not just because I've grown up. Over time, I have realized how detrimental role models are to my self-esteem. Keep these points in mind as you're navigating through life.

💜 We Put Role Models on Pedestals- By definition, a role model is "a person whose behavior, example or success is or can be emulated by others, especially younger people." When you're emulating someone, you do so for a reason. You think they're really great and you put them on a pedestal they probably don't deserve to be on. Stop thinking anyone is better than you and start realizing that we're all equal in terms of worth and value.

💜 Having a Role Model Means You Aren't Happy With Yourself- When you look to someone else for instruction on how to behave, look or even think, it's because you view yourself as lacking. Imitating someone else isn't going to make you feel better about yourself because you aren't actually being you. You'e being someone else. You need to stop relying on other people to lift you up and start loving yourself.

💜 Role Models Are Unrealistic- No one is perfect, not even role models. More often than not, we only see our role models in certain situations where they shine. But what about the times when we don't seem them? Well, you can only assume how your role model is going to behave or look when you're not around. Comparing yourself to a perfect assumption is always going to end badly. You'll begin to beat yourself up over not living up to

a perfect/assumed standard you have set based on someone else. Don't do that to yourself.

You can still look to others for ideas on how to improve yourself. I am a firm believer in growing and changing for the better. I take inspiration from a lot of different people, but I don't try to become anyone. I love myself enough to still be able to be me, but work on my weaknesses.


What are your thoughts on role models? Do you have any advice? Leave a comment down below!

XOXO,

Isabella Dominique

Why You Need To Have Goals

I was talking to a really good friend recently about our current life situations. Being in your early twenties isn't the easiest time in life (but is still a heck of a lot easier than being a teenager). We are both new-ish college graduates and are now working in the "real world." She chose the finance path in life, while I chose education. Even though we are two different people with different interests, I strongly believe one of the reasons we have remained such good friends is because we have one major value in common: We're goal diggers. My friend and I seem to be constantly working towards something and seeing her working towards her goals inspires me to work towards mine.

But, are goals really that important? What's the point of constantly having goals? Isn't it exhausting to never be finished? Why can't you just sit and enjoy what you have earned? Because goals are too important to throw away.

💜 Goals Help Treat Depression- When you have depression, it's easy to feel stuck, unmotivated and uninspired. You may not have any desire to do much of anything, except sit there and feel numb. But, having a goal, no matter how small, can brighten up your days because you'll have something to live for. When you have rough days, focusing on your goals and bettering yourself will give you the motivation to keep on going.

💜 Goals Help You To Grow- The reason why you can't just stop having goals after you've reached a certain level of achievement is because as soon you stop working towards something, you stop growing. Once you stop growing, you'll eventually die on the inside. As morbid as that sounds, it's true. Growing is so important to living a healthy and fulfilled life. It's impossible to grow too much. You can always be improving yourself , while still loving who you are.

💜 Goals Give You Confidence- There are few things in life that can match the feeling of absolute bliss when you've accomplished a goal. It proves that you are perfectly capable of achievement and it makes you wonder what else can happen if you work hard. You'll feel good and walk with your head head a little higher knowing that you can do it.

💜 Goals Make Your More Attractive- I love being around people who are working towards goals, especially if they started at the bottom. Why? Because they're inspiring and they make me want to work on my goals too. They know the value of growth and hard work. People who have goals are living proof that what you want and who you want to be are possible. On the other hand, being around someone who is stagnant in life is emotionally draining, especially if they let their frustration show. No one wants to be around someone who is unmotivated because it's depressing. Don't be that person. Be the person who inspires someone else to better their own lives. 


Do you have any goals? What are they? Leave a comment down below!

XOXO,

Isabella Dominique

How To Handle Being Ghosted

You meet a new special someone and things seem to be going great. He or she is very attentive, you may even have gone on a few awesome dates, and you probably made plans to see each other again. Then, out the blue, that special someone stops answering your texts and phone calls. You try reaching out a few more times, but still nothing. What gives? Well, you've just been ghosted. It happens to all of us, myself included. I've come up with a few ways to handle being ghosted that will help you out if you're feeling low.

💜 Don't Get Mad- Getting mad at someone who doesn't want to be with you is a waste of time and is something that will only hurt you in the long run. I know how frustrating it can be to invest time and energy into someone, only to have them fall off the face of the Earth. Realize that being ghosted is a risk of the dating game and be grateful you dodged a bullet.

💜 Don't Try To Reach Out- You can reach out once or twice after you suspect you've been ghosted, but don't constantly bug someone who clearly doesn't want to talk. Reaching out will make you look desperate. If someone wanted to be with you, he or she would make it known. You shouldn't have to work so hard to keep someone's attention.

💜 Don't Ask Why- I know how tempting it is to ask why it didn't work out. Did you say or do something wrong? Was there someone else? You may think knowing will help you improve yourself so you don't make the same mistakes, but it won't. If you know why, you're going to beat yourself up about it. You'll also be tempted to try to change yourself, thinking the person will magically want you. They won't. Honestly, most of the time, it's not even about you. A lot of people simply don't know what they want or are scared of commitment. If you're seeing a pattern of being ghosted and can't shake the idea that you may be doing something wrong, try talking to a friend to get an outside opinion.

💜 Realize You're Better Off- Do you really want to be with someone who is so willing to ignore you? Do you think you deserve to be treated like that? No matter how amazing that person may be, anyone who doesn't have the decency to tell you they are no longer interested is not worth it. I promise you when the right person comes along, you won't have to worry so much. You won't be ignored and you will be treated with the respect you deserve.




Have you ever been ghosted? What are some of your tips for handling it? Leave a comment down below!


XOXO,

Isabella Dominique

7 Not So Obvious Relationship Red Flags

Relationships are often complicated and tricky to navigate, but they don't need to be. We've all heard of the most talked about relationship red flags, such as abuse and infidelity, but a lot us need reminders about the not so obvious ones. I have complied a list of my top 7 relationship red flags that may go unnoticed at first because they're subtle, but can quickly cause big problems in the relationship.


💔 They Speak Down To You (Even When You're Having a Fight)- No one should be speaking down to you, no matter how angry or disappointed they may be. No one should be mumbling something under their breath when you're trying to have a discussion. Part of being in a healthy relationship is having the decency to speak to your partner like he or she is your equal. Belittling another person doesn't necessarily mean they're screaming at you or calling you names. It could be their use of tone and/or sarcasm. If someone tries to tell you that he or she "technically" didn't do anything wrong because they weren't yelling at you, stand up for yourself. Relationships shouldn't be full of technicalities, but with love and respect.  If you find your partner is constantly trying to put you down, even if it's only when he or she is angry, you need to address the issue sooner than later.

💔 They Aren't Respectful of Your Time- There are only 24 hours in a day, so needless to say, our time is important and should be valued. If your partner wants to occupy all of your time and becomes possessive of how you spend it, there is a serious problem. This doesn't always need to be so extreme, though. Do you try to make plans with your partner, only for he or she to never get back to you? Or get back to you at the last minute? Does your partner say they want to see you, but are always unsure of the time, forcing you to clear your whole day in case he or she calls? Does he or she expect you to drop everything and come right over if/when that calls comes? These are all signs that your partner doesn't respect your time. Many people may just have terrible time management skills and naturally wait until the last minute to do everything, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of making plans in advance and realizing you have a life. Remember, you ultimately decide what treatment you will and will not accept.

💔 They Expect You to Change- I once dated a guy who entered into the relationship fully knowing we were different denominations of the same religion. It didn't take long for him to push me to convert. "I don't expect you to change overnight, so it's okay," he "reassured" me, as if that was supposed to make the fact that he expected me to change okay. If your partner is forcing you to change and you don't want to, it's probably time to walk away. He or she may think they're helping you, but what they're really saying is, "Who you are now isn't good enough and I want you to be someone you're not." Side note, I stood my ground and did not end up converting and the relationship quickly came to a close. If you don't want to change, please don't.

💔 They Don't Make an Effort- Do you ever feel like if you stopped putting in effort, the relationship would end? That no dates would be planned? That you would maybe see your partner once a month? If someone truly likes you, he or she is going to make an effort in the relationship to show you how much you mean to him or her. Part of making an effort is more than just going through the motions. You'll know when someone is making a true effort if they're as flexible as they can be when trying to make plans with you, are there for you when you need them to be and are genuinely interested in you (and not just your body).

💔 They Don't Respect Your Differences- Do you have any hobbies that your partner doesn't support? Do you have different family traditions from you partner? Do you like different food? It's perfectly fine if your partner doesn't share or understand all of your interests, traditions or food choices, but it's not fine if he or she tries to diminish or make fun of them. Anyone is who is right for you will understand that you are a unique individual who had a full life before he or she came into the picture, complete with interests, traditions, hobbies and values. If you constantly find that your partner is busting your chops over something he or she doesn't respect or understand, know that you are not with someone who has an open mind. Your partner should be supportive of your values and not try to make you feel bad for being yourself.

💔 They Don't Know What They Want- It's unfair to expect someone to have everything figured out right away, especially if he or she is young. However, if you're dating someone who has no idea if they even want to stay on the same coast as you, there are going to be problems. It's selfish to enter a relationship with someone having no idea what you want out of life. One of my previous boyfriends told me he wanted to move to three different states on three separate occasions. Then, he told me he wanted to stay and then he found a job and moved out of state. Finally, he told me he wanted to come back. The next day, he told me he was looking for houses out of the state. Needless to say, I was taken on a emotional roller coaster and suffered because of his indecisiveness. If you're in a similar (or even remotely similar) situation, you need to put yourself first and understand that someone who isn't sure of major life decisions probably isn't that sure of YOU either.
   

💔 You Find Yourself Constantly Making Excuses- No one is going to be 100% perfect all of time. However, you should never be justifying your partner's pattern of bad behavior with excuses. What do these excuses look like? "Oh, well he's really tired since he just came home from work, so it's okay that he just screamed at me." "He's really stressed with school, so it's okay that he hasn't returned my call in 2 weeks." Have you ever told you friends, "I know he can come off a little strong, but he's a really great guy once you get to know him."? No, what you are saying is "He's a jerk, but I've gotten used to it and you will too, eventually." It's time to cut the excuses and take a long, hard look at your relationship to see if it's one that is actually worth your time and effort.


Above all else, please always remember that how someone treats you is not a reflection of you, but of his or her own insecurities. You should never, ever blame yourself for someone else's actions. No one deserves to be treated poorly. If you are in an abusive relationship, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline to get help. 

What are some of your relationship red flags? Leave a comment down below!

XOXO,
Isabella Dominique



FTC Disclaimer: I was not sent any of these products. I am not affiliated with the companies mentioned. All opinions are my own. I am not being sponsored to make this blog post. 

My Top 5 Must-Have Makeup Products

One of my favorite things to do is play with makeup. I enjoy experimenting with different products and I love the confidence that makeup gives me. Over the years, I have added a few products to my "makeup arsenal" that have stood the test of time and still are my all time favorites. I'm very excited to share with you my top 5 must-have makeup products!

💜 Morphe x Jaclyn Hill Eyeshadow Palette- This palette, designed by famous Youtuber Jaclyn Hill, is filled with creamy, buttery shadows which not only blend beautifully, but stay on all day. It has a variety of colors for every skin tone and includes transition shades, mattes and shimmers. This is my holy-grail eye shadow palette and I reach for it over everything else. You can create a lot of different looks and even though the palette contains 35 colors, every one is unique. It retails for $38.

 

💜 Elf High Definition Undereye Setting Powder- The concealer under my eyes is always the first to wear away. While you can set your under eye concealer with a regular powder, I prefer under eye setting powders because they are usually more finely milled and won't crease on the delicate eye area. Not only does this powder by Elf leave my under eyes soft and smooth, but it also gives them an airbrushed appearance that lasts all day. It retails for only $3.

💜 Milani Conceal and Perfect Foundation- This is by far the best foundation I have ever tried and has easily become my most repurchased makeup product. It has excellent, build-able coverage, so it's extremely versatile. It lasts all day and needs minimal touch-ups. I've even taken a nap while wearing this foundation and it still looked flawless when I woke up! Keep in mind, it can look lighter in the bottle and it darkens ever so slightly as you wear it. I always go for a shade lighter, but can use a few different shades because it blends so seamlessly into the skin. It retails for $10.

💜 Duo Lash Adhesive (Dark)- I have always struggled with applying false eye lashes and have tried not only many types of lashes, but many types of glue. This lash glue by Duo is fantastic. I am someone who only wears lashes if I'm sporting a nice cat eye, so the dark glue is perfect for me. If you like to wear lashes without eyeliner for more softer looks, I would recommend going for the original clear glue. Not only does it actually stick, but it is a complete dream to peel off of your lashes when you're trying to clean them. Gone are the days of having to soak my lashes in warm soapy water and pick at the lash band with tweezers in order to get that stubborn glue off. I was amazed when all I had to do was pick at the corner ever so slightly and the glue lifted clean off the lashes in about 3 rubbery pieces. It retails for $5.99.

💜 Too Faced Perfect Waterproof Eyeliner- I discovered this eyeliner when it was included in the Too Faced Love Palette and I don't know how I survived without it. I even reach for it over my Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil. I solely use it in my upper and lower waterline and it glides on so smoothly, is very pigmented and lasts a while. You will need to reapply any eyeliner to your waterline, no matter the brand or type, so it's unrealistic to expect a product to last all day when applied to this area. I have found that it can bleed ever so slightly if you put it too close to your inner tear-duct, but this can be easily fixed by stopping just before this area. It retails for $18. 



What are your must- have makeup products? Leave a comment down below!


XOXO,
Isabella Dominique





FTC Disclaimer: I was not sent any of these products. I am not affiliated with the companies mentioned. All opinions are my own. I am not being sponsored to make this blog post. 

How I Graduated with Highest Praise "Summa Cum Laude" from College

When people find out I graduated with Summa Cum Laude, many assume I'm some super genius who did nothing but live and breathe school during my undergraduate years. I'm here to tell you that I'm far from any type of prodigy. While I always did pretty well academically, hard work was necessary for my success. If you clicked on this post hoping for some secret pill that will magically enable you to ace all your tests and assignments, I'm sorry to disappoint. There is no easy way to this kind of success. However, I have detailed below key tips that really helped me throughout my undergraduate career. 

💜Make school a priority- This may sound obvious, but it's the most important concept to grasp when trying to do your absolute best. Okay, but what does it actually look like? Making your education a priority means turning down parties, social gatherings and drinking shindigs pretty often because you have a paper due the next day. Making your education a priority means putting your phone, tablet, laptop, ect. in the other room because you need to study for that exam in a few days. It can also mean bringing your flashcards to work so you can study during your breaks or downtime. This doesn't mean that you need to cut yourself off from the entire world. Actually, you probably shouldn't do that. Going out occasionally, treating yourself and practicing self care are all very important to maintain your health and keep your brain going at optimal performance. Be sure to periodically de-stress and ease any anxiety you may have. You can read about my coping strategies here.

💜 Don't Procrastinate- But, Isabella! I work better under pressure! That may be so, but you're forming really bad habits by waiting until the last minute to do everything. There are going to be times in your life beyond college when you won't be able to procrastinate and still do a good job, so it's better to start practicing now. No one is saying you need to finish every single assignment weeks in advance, but you should get into the habit of pacing yourself.

💜 Break Up Your Assignments- Just like how you shouldn't wait until the last minute to do your assignments, you should get into the habit of breaking up smaller assignments into more manageable pieces. Not only will this be a great skill to possess for the real world, but it will make school seem less intimidating. 

💜 Create a Schedule- For some reason, whenever I hear the word "schedule," I cringe. Back in the day, I used to create really strict schedules (down to the minute) of how I wanted my life to look. I quickly stopped when I realized that living my own life became a chore and following such a strict schedule became something I dreaded. Instead, I now make a list of things I need to do and then get done what I can. There are some things I like to get done on certain days and some things I like to get done before others. For example, I planned my studying based on what classes I had the next day. I also completed my written work first and then ended with studying. I now have a pretty good estimate of what I can accomplish in a day and still have the freedom to be flexible with my schedule.

💜 Work Now, Play Later- I always found when I took breaks after coming home from class, I either never did any work or I started a lot later than I wanted. While everyone is different, I am sure this can apply to a lot of people. I began to use my drive home from school as my break and got right to work as soon as I walked through the door. Since my brain was still in "school mode", I worked more efficiently and had more time to spare at the end of the day. Depending on my work load, I hardly ever took breaks between written assignments and preferred to work through until I was finished. I never fully relaxed and winded down until all of my tasks were completed. It's such a great feeling to be able to relax without the burden of unfinished tasks hanging over you. Do it now and you'll thank yourself for it later.

💜 Don't Try to Do It All- School involves a lot of strategic planning and it's important to have the "work smarter, not harder" mentality. In a dream world, you have all the time in the universe to focus on one class at a time, take extremely detailed, thorough notes and read every last sentence of that 500 page textbook. This isn't a dream world and you are probably juggling 3 to 4 classes, a job, extracurricular activities, a social life, ect. I didn't want to burn myself out, so I started focusing on key concepts and concepts which were confusing to me. Being able to skim a textbook and pull out the important information is vital to surviving college without letting college consume your entire being. Don't waste time reading (or taking notes on) what you already know. As long as you have the basic ideas mastered, you'll be able to apply those concepts to other areas of the subject. If you try to fully immerse yourself in every course, you're probably going to fail and/or burn yourself out.

💜 Don't Over-Study- Yes, it's possible to study the same material too much. If you are constantly going over the same material again and again, you'll start to make little mistakes because your mind becomes so used to what you're studying that it stops processing it. Study until you know the material and then only go over it again a few more times before the exam. The same goes for making presentations. If you're constantly going over your presentation, it will be begin to sound robotic and forced. You'll probably also begin to forget aspects of it. I can't even begin to count the number of times when I knew my presentation like the back of my hand, but didn't deliver it well because I practiced excessively.

💜 Go to Class- Do most college professors care if you come to class? Probably not, but don't let that discourage you from going to class every day. Not only does it look good on you that you care enough to come to class, but professors usually go over the most important concepts in all of that reading he or she assigned or provide adjustments to the syllabus. He or she may even tell you what to focus on for the next test. When you're inbetween grades, consistently going to class may mean the difference between the professor rounding your grade up or keeping it the same.

At the end of the day, how you prioritize your life is completely up to you. You can still pass college with decent grades, even if school is not your top priority. Graduating with honors is not as important as simply graduating. Earning a degree is a fantastic achievement in and of itself. Good luck!



What are some of your tips for doing well in school? Leave a comment down below!

XOXO,

Isabella Dominique




FTC Disclaimer: I was not sent any of these products. I am not affiliated with the companies mentioned. All opinions are my own. I am not being sponsored to make this blog post. 

How I Handle Stress and Anxiety

Mental health has taken an interesting turn in the last few years. Before, it was looked down upon to say you had stress or anxiety, but now it seems those are the hot new buzzwords in modern society. According to the American Association of Anxiety Disorders (AAAD), anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the United States, affecting 18.1% of the population every year.  However, only 36.9% of those suffering receive treatment. While I am no medical professional, I have found a few strategies to cope with my stress and anxiety. Remember, you don't need to (and probably shouldn't) wait until you're stressed out to practice stress and anxiety coping strategies. Regularly taking time for yourself can have big benefits in the long run and is always worth it!

💜ASMR- Have you ever browsed Youtube and stumbled upon those weird videos of people whispering, tapping on things and brushing the camera? That's Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR). ASMR is certainly not for everyone, though. If you can't get past watching someone "role-play" while tapping on things, I don't blame you. However, it can be very relaxing and calming. It's also fantastic for helping you fall asleep. A lot of ASMR videos focus on personal attention and are great for anxiety because they serve as a distraction to get your mind off of everything and the sounds are very soothing. If you're brand new to ASMR, I would recommend the "No Talking" videos because they're not as weird. A few of my favorite channels are ASMR Darling, Oceans ASMR and Jojo's ASMR.

💜 Exercise- Moving your body is a great way to cope with anxiety. Not only does exercise improve your physical condition, but studies have shown that it can also affect your mental health. According to the American Association of Anxiety Disorders, aerobic, or cardiovascular, exercise has been shown to decrease tension levels, elevate and stabilize mood, improve sleep and raise self- esteem. Even just a few minutes of exercise can be beneficial. My favorite exercise to combat anxiety is Zumba. It's such a high energy workout that doesn't feel like a workout and is great to get your body moving. You can take a live class, or do what I do and purchase the DVDs.

💜 Meditation- Not too long ago, I discovered the power of meditation, which eventually led to my discovery of ASMR. As someone with a wandering mind, guided meditations are the most helpful. Some will use visualization and take you on incredible journeys through magic forests, while others will simply tell you to be as you are and notice the movement of your breath. A few of my favorite guided mediations on Youtube come from Jason Stephenson and The Honest Guys. Meditation is a great way to clear your mind of anxious thoughts and just focus on being in the moment. It can take a lot of practice to keep your thoughts focused on the present, but it will be ok. It's important to let your thoughts come and go and to always focus on your breath when you find your mind wandering.

💜 Reading- This one may not be for everyone, but there's something so calming about being alone with a good book. Unlike Netflix or surfing the web, reading a book is never "draining." You don't feel like you wasted your entire night after reading for a few hours, compared to binge watching a show. Like the other strategies I have listed, reading is able to get your mind off things because it requires a consistent effort. It involves much more active participation than letting a movie play before your eyes. Personally, I prefer light reads when I'm reading to cope with anxiety and stress. I will usually reach for a self-help book or some science fiction.

💜 Therapy- If you find yourself not being able to cope with your anxiety and stress or if they are extremely severe, therapy is a great option. Traditional therapy can be very expensive, but online therapy is more affordable. Online therapy has the calming feeling of texting a friend, but the benefits of talking with a therapist. Have you ever wanted to get something off your chest at 3am? You can send messages 24/7 and you never have to hold anything in. You can even reread your therapist's messages as a positive reminder when you're feeling low. Better Help and Talk Space are just two examples of online therapy and can start as little as $49/ week for unlimited messaging.

💜 One Step At a Time, One Day At a Time- On your worst days, it's important to remind yourself to stay focused and be in the present. You don't need to have it all together every second of every day. Don't try to do it all at once. Focus on one little task you can do to make yourself feel better and then move on to the next. Take it one step at a time and one day at a time. It's going to be ok. I promise ❤️.



What are some ways you cope with stress and anxiety? Leave a comment down below!

XOXO,

Isabella Dominique




FTC Disclaimer: I was not sent any of these products. I am not affiliated with the companies mentioned. All opinions are my own. I am not being sponsored to make this blog post.